House Sprites, Bending Time, and The Curator Lobster

This morning, my face was aching from laughter so it took me a couple of seconds to pause, stem the 2nd wave of laughing flooding in… Breathe… Ease my face out of grin into talking mode before I could answer the question put to me…

“Sometimes, I feel like my whole life is just a series of events where I’m in a constant battle with a subconscious, whose main purpose in life is to fuck with my day… What do you think?

What do I think? Well I’ve just witnessed your day so far and hmmm… You could be on to something… But then it could be something in the air… It could be sprites!

The reason we’re having the conversation is because I’m now running nearly an hour and a half late… Night-shift chaos needed to be cleared up before my passengers were set free… That’s half an hour… We’re nearly back to base and the poser of the question realised he didn’t have his car keys… Stupidly I didn’t ask ‘When was the last time you saw them?’. Instead I asked a series of pat down questions… Have you checked pockets… Bag… Under your butt… etc. Followed by ‘OK, answer quickly yes or no. Have you got them with you? Quick yes or no. Quick! Before I pass that layby on the other side where I can quick spin back or we’ve got to go miles down to the roundabout…’

No! No! Definitely not got them on me.

Wheelspin turn and back we go…

Back to square one… He gets out the car, walks towards the entrance, about turns and with far away look in his eyes, walks slowly back towards the car… ‘Karen… Did I give the car keys to my mum?’

I don’t know? Maybe? You share the car so it’s possible… Is your mum working today? Is she waiting for the car? I can’t remember seeing your car this morning… Where did you park?

No… No, she’s not working…

OK… So how are you going to get home?

Oh, no worries, Mum rang to say she’s picking me up. Oh she’s going to be pissed that I’ve lost the keys…

What’s she picking you up in?

The car… Why?

And she’s driving now, you say… Hmm… I wonder how she started the engine?

Oh! She’s got the keys! Karen, can you just repeatedly beat me around the head?

Er… No! Not in current clime, that’s a tabloid headline writer’s wet dream in the making and another riot heating up. I’m not beating you up without signed consent forms, disclaimers, non disclosure agreement, H&S risk assessment, insurance waivers… N’ah! Way too much paperwork, besides I like you enough to not kill you…

OK… Back to maybe it’s sprites… Sprites make things mysteriously disappear and reappear… My morning had started with sprites…

Tarot in the Land of Mystereum (c) Jordan Hoggard 2012

Early this morning, I remembered that I had a bootleg copy of my favourite deck… Bootleg copy? Not sure it’s the right term… A bastardised print job leading to a minideck stashed amongst my magical things. Where was it? It’s not where it’s supposed to be… Maybe I shouldn’t look for it? After all, the 4 legit copies I have are under lockdown until I get my D. O. shifted to Done.

4 copies?

Yeah… One… A signed, for my hands only, deck stowed away in the helpful friends sector of my room…

Two… My original purchase, battered and well worn like an old pair of leather shoes… Past it’s best? Or stinking smell reminder of happy days and travels and strangers met…My much lived and loved deck with handcrafted replacement card… A substitute standing in for the Hanged Man that slipped his noose and set loose into freedom…

Three… The tossed aside gigging deck, put well out of the way of types of clients I refuse to read for these days…

Four… Virgin intacta still in box awaiting deflowering when I finally get my work done!

The forgotten 5th, suddenly remembered… A loophole in my abstinence promise? Just a little mini hit…

Nah! Sprites had other ideas… It’s vanished! Vamooshed! Not in this dimension! I had a good old hunt around… I found other things that I’d forgotten that I had…

1. A pocketful of seaside! A handful of shells and stones from one of my favourite beaches. Yay! That satisfies my yearnings… A little fix of salty smells and clattering sounds as I roll them in my hands…

2. Handmade runes from baked fimo and tumblestones… Ah… Very handy! I can use these like little post it notes on my desk to flag my attention back to what I’m supposed to be focusing on…

3. Oh-oh! Another bootleg! Oops! Here’s my excuse… My good friend D, every so often visits and brings with him a new deck, he’ll toss it in my direction and ask me to break it in… Wake it up, shake it up, put it through its paces, find out what it does… He one day brought around a rune deck… Oh bugger! I got it in my hands and I didn’t want to give it back… Now D’s visits became a source of anxiety as I’d hide his deck before arrival and then keep him talking hoping he wouldn’t ask for it back… Though to be fair, he talks a lot… LOTS! He’s not hard to divert… And I love him for it… He’s a sagg so you know you’re never going to run out of topics to talk about… Time maybe? Thoughts and ideas…never… Anyway, a photocopier, a laminator, a few hours and a bit of patience and I’ve cut myself a new deck. That means I’m not going to be completely gutted when I have to hand back what’s not mine. At a later date, a lucky find on eBay placed a legit deck at a bargain price into my hands. I messaged D – Hey, I’ve still got your deck, pick it up next time you’re here. You know what he says? He says – What deck? Oh that deck… Oh, I forgot you’d got that, you could have kept it!

4. My handmade transparent set! Oh FML! I’ve been sat with a big pile of transparencies and a broken laminator thinking when can I replace this to make a set of see through runes… FML! I’ve already made them! Wicked! That’s freed up a couple of hours or so…

I get distracted by a scarf I’ve found and spread it on the floor… Oh… I’ve got a great idea what to do with this, I just need to get… Hmmm… What was that? I’ve just bumped into something behind me… Hmm.. Glug Glug Glug… What’s that noise? Anyway… I just need… Eh? Wtf? A slow creeping cold wetness spreading across my right butt cheek… Oh FFS! A can of pop left on the floor by one of the kids… I pick it up… Sprite! Fucking house sprites again! I glance the time… Oh Jesus! I should have been gone 20 minutes ago… I’m going to be so late… Euggh… Now I need to wash again and change… It’s a quick job as I do take out insurances against my own mutinies… Today insurance is a burnt orange dress that’s quickly flung on bringing instant glamour that blinds people to the fact that I’m actually pretty disheveled with unkempt hair and was in too much of a rush to pair up matching things… Miraculously, I bend time and arrive at first pickup 2 minutes early… Yeah, well I’ve already told you what happened then

I get to next batch of pickups. I get asked ‘What’s happened? You’re never late? They’ll be ringing to check we’re not dead!’

I run through a quick version, say – No I’m not late, I’ve magicked up a shorter shift for the birthday girl!

But my birthday was 2 days ago?

Yeah… Welcome to my world, you’re getting birthday week… Get to my age and you’ll get birthday month!

Yeah Karen, that new manager is hot on time keeping, we’re really late…The phone will be ringing.

Nah! I put some magic on it. Today no one will notice you’re late, they’re going to forgot you’re not there yet…

I said hey B’day Gal, what do you make of this question?

Ah! OK! Yes! Absolutely my subconscious is fucking me over! I wake up this morning very early wide awake for no reason! Why? I need sleep! Not wide awake club! Sometimes I think I’m living in a video game as a character… A video game played by a player who doesn’t know the rules… A bad clumsy player… And if he plays like I play Sims then as soon as he gets bored then I’m screwed as he will drown me in the swimming pool!

I remembered reading a couple of years ago about the phenomenon of people creating Sims to simulate murdering them… Oh… OK… So you’re one of those players?

Oh yes! I’m bored with you! I kill you!

I shoot a quick glance in my rear view mirror to check in on the look on the boyfriend’s face. He’s sat in the back smiling and looking chilled and winks at me. OK, he’s safe, he knows how to keep her interested…

I throw out an open question… What if we’re all just avatars in someone else’s game? What do you make of that?

Yes! That sounds very possible! That’s the best theory yet for all this corona madness… I mean come on! Why aren’t we all dead yet? I’ve been coughed on and coughed on for months, coughed on by people who have died from it and still I keep testing negative?! Wtf? That’s gotta be a coding glitch?

A little chuckle from the rear right… Karen? What’s that funny phrase you come out with?

Dunno N? You’re gonna have to narrow that done…

That one you say… Oh… Wait… I know… Lockdown meltdown! Are you guys having a lockdown meltdown?

Laughter all round! Birthday Gal answers – Maybe? Maybe not… Maybe we got played into a new level…

We arrive… Nobody has noticed we’re 90 mins late…

So… That’s house sprites and time bending covered… What about The Curator Lobster?

TCL was met in mindscape. I didn’t know his name at the time. I’d laughed in surprise when Kate, my hypnotherapist had asked what gift I held in my right hand?

Hahahaha… A lobster? Hahaha what? A rock lobster? A mobster lobster? Wtf?

Put him down… See what he does…

I watched him… Hmmm… What? A gardener? Is he snipping things… Editing and cutting away with his claws turned twin scythes? Hmmm… Digging… Burying… Hiding stuff? Finding stuff? Moving stuff?

Driving home today suddenly I know his name and game… My subconscious is not fucking me over… My subconscious has The Curator Lobster as insurance against my foibles… He’s there hiding the distractions… Clearing the clutter from my work space, collecting useful tools I’ve forgotten about… He knows every nook and cranny of my mind museum and he knows how to curate the best displays and arrangements, exhibitions of works, how to get me to put them together to make sense… He’s my internal house sprite! Is he playing me or am I playing him? Not sure… But if the game to get the D. O. Done is won, then I’m not really sure that it matters either way…

You know… If I wasn’t such a fucking procrastinor, I’d never learn anything…

ImaginAction

In the process of breaking in the Discarded Oracle, I’ve been road testing ImaginAction. The spreads are not new to me, they’ve been around since 2012. I’ve tried several in the past but now they are handily neatly repackaged all in one place. A pdf beautiful banquet of 78 Art-Inspired Divination Spreads, alongside a nifty creation backstory (if divination is not your thing, then take a look anyway, it’s a story well worth the read) and a guide to How to use ImaginAction to get more actionable with your divination.

Available to download, over at Jordan’s Journey ~ Alchemy of Mystereum Tarot, ImaginAction, Astrology, Tarot, Art. Go check it out.

I won’t bore you with the details of my reading, other than to share something that made me smile… Mr Hoggard writes ‘You may find you are able to simply scry into the artwork’. I like this… I like this a lot… I look into the image and maybe I imagine it but I’m fairly sure diagonally scribed across the dark green band are the words ‘There are some’ 🙂

What do you see?

My Secret Tarot Method for Winning the Lotto!!!

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Welcome to the latest Tarot Blog Hop wrangled by Ania Marczyk who has sent us on a bunny free money hop for Easter…

So… my thoughts about money… well… I guess in theory that life goes smoother when  you have some! Though it’s not something that I dwell on too much in general as it always seems to turn up when I need it. In relation to tarot and running a business, I guess I have a few more thoughts, but that may send me ranty and I’m mindful of my blood pressure…

Finances when reading for others, I find it’s seldom something that the people that I read for directly ask about… they often ask about career but that is more likely to be about progression and direction. I see the financial undertone appear in the cards and the most frequent flyers that I recall popping up are the Ace of Pentacles when people are near to retirement, which is often coupled with 8 of Cups and I see 8 of Pentacles come up frequently with people who are looking to start their own business…

On the rare occasion, I did read about my own personal finances, this threw up the 9 of Pentacles with the 7 of Swords… This was when I was doing some freelance work and having to chase up invoices… I’m not really wanting to divulge the gory details but let’s just say that I followed up that reading with a bit of detective work, the assistance of the Google oracle and couple of interesting conversations that gave more than an inkling of insight into the full extent of the BS behind the facade…

Blood pressure…. blood pressure… and count to 10… and breathe… 😀

But mostly, if I want to know about finances then my first port of call is to get out my diary, banks statements, business accounts, bills etc. and to take a good look at all incomings and outgoings and to note the patterns and sequences that are laid out… Keeping a timeline of accounts is pretty useful… I tend to slip one day to the next without too much thought, but if something catches my attention that I need to look at then I can usually find the answers in the ledgers without having to wake my cards up…

Where does money come in most frequently with my Tarot practise?

Well… it’s at events. I tend to take pretty lively gigs and with that comes a lot of banter and so I have an armoury of rapid responses…

One thing I get asked all the time is – Can you tell me the lottery numbers?

And I do have a variety of answers… one of which is YES! I can! But it’s going to cost you 64.5 million….

Or… YES! oh… but your guardian angel told me not to tell you as they are tired of seeing you blow big bucks on hookers and blackjack…

Or whatever nonsense pleases me in the moment…

But today, I am amongst friends and so I will share with you, my statistically proven, guaranteed Lottery winning system…

Gather around folks and listen very carefully…

By the light of a Gibbous Moon, remove your left shoe…

Actually… this is really long and complicated so in true Blue Peter fashion…

Here’s one I prepared earlier…

THE WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS ARE…

1, 7, 17, 29, 37, 44

All you have to do now is…

Sit back and play every week…

To…

🙂

And when you win…

Don’t forget to share the wealth!

You can tip me via PayPal!

You’re Welcome!

Well…

If you don’t ask…

You don’t get!

😀

Follow the links for more Money/ Tarot insights

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Getting Some Retro Perspective…

Merc Rx

So… it’s that time again… yeah… who needs an emphemeris when you’ve got a fb newsfeed… Mercury has gone retrograde… Let the blaming and shaming commence…

Now personally… I don’t care much either way which way Mercury is facing… I’m often beset with electrical malfunctions and rarely do they coincide with Merc Rx… frequently they occur when I am upset or out of kilter…

However… I do get a phenomenon that occurs that I find intriguing… As Merc turns Rx I very often get an old email reappear on my mobile as if it’s just been sent… This time I didn’t get an email… I did however get an old photo appear from 2 years ago… I looked at the photo and I remembered the day and then also I remembered an email conversation I had that day…

Now… I’m not entirely sure if it’s down to my laziness or down to in the past having to keep emails on file for 6 years… but I keep pretty much all of my emails…sure I delete spam and other stuff that I know for definite I won’t need for anything…

So… I had a rummage in my email to this day two years ago and found that conversation… and I smiled… and I looked at this day three years ago and found another email conversation with that same person that made me LOL as they proudly boasted of qualities that email conversations this time a year ago thoroughly exposed as just simply not existing… It takes a while to see someone’s full true colours… and this time last year I was blessed with a not so spectacular display… I got a full guided tour behind the bullshit to discover… well… you don’t need to know what I discovered…

This year I sit with Merc Rx and I ask him… so … words of advice…

He says… yeah… sure… remember this… you can never step in the same dog turd twice…

Oh how we both laughed 😀

Pull back… Pull back… Pull back…

Not that I realised at the time, but one year ago today I inadvertently created a tipping point that would force me to face many truths I didn’t want to hear…

Sometimes when you’re very close to something, it’s hard to see the exact details of just what it is that you are actually looking at…

Up close, all may seem well…

Up close, only allowed to see a tiny part of the picture…

Your view carefully manipulated by someone else’s cleverly crafted facade…

judgement blurred

Stand too close and judgement is easily blurred… blindsided by the glimmer of potential that you think you see…

Pull back…

See the bigger picture…

Pull back…

Hear the words not spoken…

Pull back…

See just how big a mess things really are…

Pull back… Pull back… Pull back…

Amazed at how far back you have to stand to see the full effed up magnitude…

Pause… Breathe… Repeat…

Now…

Pull back… Pull back… Pull back…

Keep going… all the way.., until that big picture diminishes.. fades… over the horizon… perspective taken to vanishing point…

That’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about… I’ve had some massive
lessons over the last few years.
I’ve had some quite astounding liars in my life and yes the truth does come
out, it’s never a matter of if, it’s always a matter of when…
Though I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, liars are not good and it’s
not nice to be betrayed etc…
But what has saddened me most is realising that the most damaging lies,
were the ones I told myself to pretend things weren’t happening… The
worst one of all is holding the belief that deep down all people are
inherently good and have a conscience… Couple that with a morbid
curiousity as to just how far someone will go with a lie…
Yes… Lessons learned the hard way…
Hopefully I’ll remember…
Funny thing… What really brought things into sharp focus was an emergency
dental visit for an abscess on a tooth I’ve had years of problems with and
have tried everything to save… It suddenly struck me, that if you know
that something is rotten deep down and it keeps giving you pain… Don’t
keep trying to fix it or ignore or hope it will get better… Just rip the
bugger out and let it heal cleanly…
So the tooth and truth was out!
I wear my gap as a badge of honor! And to remember to be careful as to what
I allow into my space…
I have no idea why I’m telling you all of this… Though I guess it might
amuse you in the way that tarot readers get amused by analogies…
Have a groovy one! 😀

Cosmos Conspires with Dippy Hippy Flutter Bys…

One of the things that gives me great pleasure in my job, is deflowering Tarot Virgins…

I don’t know what is, but it fills my little Tarot heart with glee…

I’m lucky in that I get to do it fairly frequently as I often read for parties, but even so, some nights are more magical than others. Last Saturday was such a night… a mixed group, with various previous experiences…

  • Oh… I love Tarot! My husband used to read all the time…
  • Mmm… I don’t know… I may have had Tarot… I got some kind of reading when I was in New Orleans…
  • Meh… I usually see a Medium…
  • Wow! I’ve not done this for over 20 years or so…

And in between the usual romance and career questions, I get a couple that I think I will find memorable for quite some time… it’s a toss up for my favourite… I can’t quite decide between – Ok, give me some inspirational tips for writing music…. and… Right! I’ll sort the future out, you tell me about my history!

But then right at the end of the night, just around midnight… down at my table, sits a man who says those words that I love to hear…

Ok… I’m gonna be straight with you, I’ve never ever done this before and can you please be gentle with me as I am in fact quite scared…

So I pretty much bust a gut with laughter and eventually compose myself enough to say…

Trust me, I’m going to bring you into my world in the most beautiful way possible…

And when we have both quite finished laughing then we begin…

So cards are shuffled and dealt and the gab that I have been gifted with is on full roll and I blah de blah de blah and hey- are you keeping up with all this?

Yes! Yes! Keep talking…

So I talk some more and even sing… then I apologise for my god awful noise…

No! No! No! Keep singing! That is very significant to me…

So we sing together…

I say to him… so how was that for you… not too scary?

Not scary at all, he says… so, can you just round that up in one groovy sentence?

Sure… I look at the cards… I look him the eye and I say…Follow your dream of transforming from a caterpillar into a butterfly man…

POOF!!!

Suddenly circling his head…

A flurry of red…

Red Admiral

Can you see that too?

We chorus in unison…

Yes!

Yes I can!

So we part and go our separate ways and carry warm smiles…

I get home and I think… that was rather odd to have a butterfly flutterby at that time of night… so I dig out an old book and I look up my friend the Red Admiral and no, not unusual for time of night, as he is a frequent midnight flyer… though unusual for time of year…

But what makes me smile is that I discover that he also goes under another name… an old English name…

Alderman…

And that delights me strangely as I met him in a Guildhall…

I’m not sure what that means, if anything at all…

But it feels like a sign…

But then again…

I’m a Tarot reader…

We sees signs…

EVERYWHERE!

😀

 

Ye Cannae Change The Laws of Psychics…

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Well folks… the theme of the hop ~ Oracular Anomalies and my title… there are a couple of influences I have to thank for that…

1. The subliminal effect of Mr S taking some time off work and watching back to back Star Trek episodes…

2. A couple of seemingly innocuous words from a friend as we sat with a deck and a brew…

Those words landed in my brain and I felt them as they did this…

I was quite suprised really as I’ve seen this card many times and it’s never triggered excessive thoughts…

IMG_3843

But when held up in front of me as my friend said to me something along the lines of :

Do you think that this is an unusual depiction of The Lovers?

I found myself saying… yes actually I do… Though I couldn’t instantly fathom out why other than it felt quite sad and somehow poignant and I thought a bit longer and it was the position of the hands covering their hearts and it seemed to say  – I’ll give to you my body and my mind but not my heart. I don’t trust you not to break it…

And then I thought A-Ha! Solved it! That was easy…

Yeah… you can guess what’s coming next… 😀

I thought NO! It’s not that! What is it? And I rolled and rolled it around in my head for days and still no closer to what was niggling and gnawing at me…

So then I thought…. OK… what did you expect to see? What is a ‘typical’ depicition

And broadly speaking, my mind has two types of images that spring up most readily… The thrusty/lusty and the Garden of Eden feel…

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Yet that still had me ???? as those Wildwood lovelies are pretty much camping out in that field…

I looked around the room at the sprawling chaos and here are the decks that struck me as ‘typical’…

IMG-20150115-00087

But what you can’t see is the even bigger pile out of sight that have images I find atypical. Was the answer over there?

I looked over at Mystereum and I thought of how many times when I’ve read for people they’ve backed away and grimaced when they’ve seen The Lovers and felt quite unsettled by it. I’ve never been particularly deterred by it other than slightly puzzled in that it does feel to be a bit of a misfit compared to the rest of the deck. I find them quite androgynous and not immediately apparent as to who is who… and Lady Lover seems starkly tomboyish compared to the swirly, flowing figures of the other females in the pack but I’ve always considered it to be quintessentially a depiction of one person and the facets of personalities within… Then it occurred to me… oh… when people have reacted strongly, they have said – I don’t like THEM!

So… I looked at the pair of them… oh… ok… now I see it… in fact now I see way too much… theatre masks and stage curtains and sadness… the man’s eyes… I see a man stood behind a woman who says – Honey I’ve got your back! whilst he silently prays that she doesn’t turn around and look into his eyes, the windows of his soul and see his fears and worries… but then I don’t think she will turn around as she too masks her anxieties and together the two of them put on a public display of style over substance…

In my head I hear music and words drift in…

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

I revisit my Wildwood Lovers and I look in to their eyes… Their gazes are locked and now I see their hands not as protecting their vulnerability but as making a solemn pledge to always face each other eye to eye even in the darkest of times and to protect what grows in the sacred space they create between them…

And I hear them sing…

So… ye cannae change the laws of psychics? No of course not! There are no laws… we see blips on the radar and try to explain them with what ever stories and knowledge we have at that time… We just make shit up as we go along don’t we? Analogies we pull outta our ass… Is that applied analology? Or is that just me? 😀

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The Flip Side of The Coin…

6 of Pentacles (c) Jordan Hoggard 2010

6 of Pentacles
(c) Jordan Hoggard 2010

I’ve always been quite partial to this card and seen it as wonderfully flowing energy of give and take… and in my head, it does roll around like this…

But interesting things happen sometimes in conversations and you get a whole new view through another’s eyes…

A year or so ago… I don’t know… I don’t remember time… I forget the when, but I always remember the where and the who… I was sat with someone who was new to tarot and they were flicking through my deck…

Who are the deniers?

Pardon?

The deniers…

No… not deniers… deniers as in coins… French for coins…

No… they are deniers… They deny things…

What are they denying?

Well… you see that big parachute full of holes that they are holding… well they have both made holds in both their side and the other person’s side and they both deny they did anything and blame the other… yet the biggest holes are the ones that they made themselves in their own side…

I listened in interest and pondered on how I’d managed to raise such a cynical son… and quietly blamed his opposite view to mine as his Pisces being poles apart from my Virgo…

Yes…That’s an interesting perspective but I like my version better I said and pushed it out of mind…

Or so I thought… more accurate would be to say to the back of my mind as every so often, it does bubble up back to the surface…

Lol… it just occurs to me that the inside of my head may in fact be a lava lamp… as it morphed back the other day in yet another shape…

I looked at that card and I saw a pool table… the green baize and 6 pockets… or were they balls…

Pockets? Balls? Mmmm…. If you want to be back in the pocket rather than out of pocket then that’s something to need to work out… you gotta be careful where you sink your balls!!

I looked at those 6 of P players and I saw a couple of classy hustlers…

Not all games are played fairly or by the rules…

And sometimes it’s not so much players… as there being a player and the played…

My Pisces son’s view seems far less cynical now… I guess it’s because of the two fish that know how to swim both ways…

So… Heads up givers…

Watch out for the take and take… and don’t get taken by the sharks in the pool…

Get On Your Horse and RIDE!!!

VII The Chariot (c) Jordan Hoggard 2010

VII The Chariot
(c) Jordan Hoggard 2010

Oh… Sweet Charioteer… you groovy groovy dude! You do so make me smile… The sun on your face and the wind in your hair and you move with ease and ride at speed and caress each curve and chicane and never skip a beat…

Yin and yang and yang and yin swirling around each other… perfect blend to fuel you on your way through your happy happy joy joy day 😀

Yeah… it’s pretty neat…

And most days that’s how I feel to travel… but my chariot is a people carrier and sometimes it’s a free taxi and sometimes it’s my workplace crammed full of kit… but each day it packs what it needs to get the jobs done and everybody where they need to be…

And mostly that works for most things…

But… sometimes… I think it’s a bit like spending time with the kids in that if you want to get something a bit special out of them… you need to split them up and push them in a different direction…

Yeah… I look at those two horses and yeah… sometimes you’re gonna need to ditch that wagon, split them up and pick a ride…

Yeah… that chariot sure feels a lot like the multi-tasking life I lead… and when it begins to feel normal and usual… then  travelling at great speed doesn’t feel fast… it begins to feel like plodding… and it’s not until you check your rear view mirror that you actually realise that you have moved quite a distance…

Now sometimes, I choose to go off road to break up routine and here’s the steed I choose…

Knight of Cups (c) Jordan Hoggard 2010

Knight of Cups
(c) Jordan Hoggard 2010

Yeah… this is good and groovy and letting your hair down and being arty and farty and wot not… 😀 and I can get so laid back I’m horizontal…

But then sometimes… people try to push me off my little happy jaunt in my jalopy and steer me down their path…

And here’s the stallion I mount…

Wang out ya yangYeah! YEAH!!! YEEEEE-HAAAA!!!!

The battle cry!!!

The war paint’s ON!!

And I am

Vertical with a vengence!!!

Now as I travel through life… I find all 3 modes of transport are required to get you where you want to be…

Mostly you need to blend and take the bends at speed… to absorb the rough and the smooth…

But sometimes…

It’s yin for the win!

And others…

Well you have to engage the rage

And wang out ya yang!

😀

Magician’s Magical Manifestations…

I Magician (c) Jordan Hoggard 2010

I Magician
(c) Jordan Hoggard 2010

I like to hang out with the Magician… ha! or if I’m in crude mood with attitude… rock out with my cock out! 😀

It’s my birthcard or I may even claim it as my birth right…

I know as a small child, I was a willful sprite and I trusted all my wishes would be granted…

I started much mischief and mayhem by starting all my sentences with…

Hey… I’ve got a good idea!

Followed by a gleeful laugh as my sister followed me…

And it was always funny as a child that whenever I wanted or needed money…

It was almost as though it magically fell from the sky…

It would appear in front of me on my path and roll and find it’s way under my foot where I could pin it to pick it up…

In fact pretty much everything I dreamed up appeared around me…

I believed that I had the ear of the universe and that it had my back…

Now over the years… well you grow up and out 😀 and magic is more easily dismissed…

Though every so often I do blow a kiss…

A magical wish to the cosmos…

And if I have more serious matters to fix…

Then I do like that Magician up there and feel for my spell…

I have special words for special magic(ks)…

For when I want a direct line…

And I cannot tell you what I do…

As I have it on very good authority from a soulful soil brother…

That a spell spoken is a spell broken…

So… Instead I’ll tell you a fluffy bunny tale of mirthful magic that amuses me wildly 😀

So… a week or so ago, I found this knocking around the house…

Meet my funny bunny...

Meet my funny bunny…

I said to Mr S… you know what? I think that may come in useful… I’m going to put him over in my useful people corner until I work out why he’s here…

Mr S is used to such ramblings and indulges me with a knowing smile…

So… Saturday just gone, I had a reading gig lined up and I speed read so I like to get my motor and my mojo running before I go…

And I have very many ways of doing this but you don’t want to hear about my Bonnie Tyler impression that I do in front of a big fan so my hair blows wildly like some 80’s rock video… ooops… oh! my secret shame! 😀

Anyway… On Saturday… I spotted Bertie ( you know what, I didn’t actually know his name then, he just told me that he wants accrediting…)

So… I grab him and the hat and I start to laugh… LOUDLY!!!

Mr S says…. woman! what are you up to?

Bwhahahahahahaha!!!

I AM THE MASTER MAGICIAN

MISTRESS OF ALL THE COSMOS

THE UNIVERSE BENDS TO MY COMMAND

ANYTHING I WANT

I PULL IT OUTTA MY ASS

LIKE A WABBIT FWOM A HAT!!!!

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

And I twist and twirl and spin and swirl and merry jig around the room…

And poor old long suffering Mr S says…. why don’t you just f@CK OFF work?!

Bwhahahahah!

POOF! I’M GONE!

some may say in more ways than one…

So… mid-afternoon and half way through my gig and I see something out the corner of my eye…

NO WAY…

notsofluffybunnyMan! These bunnies are getting bigger!!

And if you think that’s impressive…

Well…

You should’ve seen the size of the hat!

😀